The Ironical Chronicle LoLyfe.co.uk

Sunday June 19th, 2005

I'm up early and get a cuppa in bed from Jo. She gets the kids ready for their Dad to pick them up as the day will be spent with him. After a slice of toast we jump straight into the airconned cinema and watch 'The Aviator' - good film.

After midday Simon cooks up a great cooked breakfast with all the usual trimmings. The bacon, sausages, black pudding and duck eggs are all fresh, and we tuck in with carnivorous zeal.

It's about 2 o'clock when I need to leave to get back for the Father's Day party at Gerry's. The heat has gone up a notch and is now unbearable, thank god for aircon in Ma's car. I get on the M4 and within 20 minutes get stuck in the mother of all traffic jams. Two hours to get as far as Reading, where I hit the services for some refreshment. Lucozade and Vittel taken on board I get back into the traffic, but it takes me until nearly 7 o'clock before I get back to Gran's. All I feel like doing is hitting the sack and zonking, but because of the heat I can't drop off, so I just shut my eyes, only intending to rest up for 10 minutes. The family get back from Gerry's and wake me up - about 8-ish - and I sit and sweat with them until it's time to knock it on the head.

Saturday June 18th, 2005

James and Craig arrive around 9.30 and we all do a bit of chatting until it's time to crank up the cinema. I'm feeling extremely tender and after a quick walk to the chemist I am a proud owner of a brand new pack of Immodium. Bum urination aside, I also feel rather queezy, which is so frustrating because this weekend was to be about booze and BBQ - I decide there and then that to keep my discomfort to a minimum I need to stop drinking and only eat at meal times instead of snacking. Boring but less of a strain on my fragile body (read spastic colon ...).

A few films and a massive BBQ later the boys (and lady) are pleasantly tipsy whilst I remain sober and in great discomfort. The cramps are coming quick and fast and it's all I can do to keep myself from passing out, on top of everything else my hay fever decides to start up. As with all men, I thrive on self pity, in fact I usually take it to a new level, but I have to say I did keep it to a minimum for the rest of the weekend. I manage to watch another couple of films and at around 2 a.m. we decide to call it a night.
The heat has gradually increased through the day, so I leave the patio door open where my camp bed is situated and decide to suffer the bugs and cats and whatever else decides to come in from outside to keep comfortable.

Friday June 17th, 2005

I don't get up until 11:00, Si's up already, but he doesn't worry about waking me as he knows my insomnia story. Although I didn't really sleep last night, I just lay and listen to the iPod until the song birds got louder than I could turn the volume up on the dang thing.
After a coffee we went into Swindon to pick up the parts needed for the aircon install. The actual installation only took 20 minutes tops. Although we're not going to tell anyone that!
Asda for shopping - bill of £175, mainly booze.

At about 7 Simon's other half Jo arrives with her kids, Mike and Katy - nice family. We go to the pub for a few pints and head back to watch a movie in the cinema. 'The Grudge'. I don't enjoy it that much, but I'm not feeling 100% due to a severe attack of stomach cramp after the kebab we order. I might give the movie another go in month or so.
I settle down on a camp bed for the night but don't get any sleep again due to the stomach inflating and deflating and the frequent visits to the loo. I can't even handle the iPod tonight, nothing is taking away the pain, although Simon's cat Fred does his best to keep me warm in the already sweltering temperatures that are sweeping the country, which only adds to my 'Shite Nite'.

Thursday June 16th, 2005

I hear Gran moving about in the kitchen, she usually makes herself some porridge and a cuppa then settles down in the lounge with a crossword. I give it 10 minutes before I get up, mainly waiting for the clock to chime so I can confirm the time - too lazy to check my cell. The clock starts to chime, and I'm hedging my bets on it being half past something, therefore having to check my cell anyway, but it chimes a second time so I know it's o'clock. It chimes once more then silence. 3 o'clock !! I rush to the bathroom and send Simon a txt explaining that I've overslept and I end up leaving Gran's at 4.30 rather than the intended 12 midday.
The traffic was appalling on the M4 - I got to Simon's at 8:00. Said a quick hello and then we left for the cinema to watch 'Batman Begins'. Superb. Nuff said.
On getting back we do some chatting, a bottle of red and a few snifters of rum until it's time to call it a night.