Nuttier Than A Fruitcake
Sometimes I stop and think about life and its meaning... then I immediately eat something. However, the past few days have made me stop and think a little bit more seriously about it all.
On Thursday morning at 8:15 I had an yet another appointment with yet another specialist about my back/neck/body/brain. I was on the defensive because of the name of the clinic which is "Enh för Psykosomatisk Medicin" - which I roughly translated as "The Centre for IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD, YOU'RE PUTTING IT ON -- FAKER! Medicine". And as with all facilities that concentrate on the 'mind' over 'matter', I was expecting a bunch of tree hugging hippy crap topped off with sentimental bullshit and a suggestion of therapy.
I have never shied away from mental health issues, in fact I feel very strongly about them. I have no doubt that my bouts of extreme happiness and extreme depravity are totally connected to the evil gremlin that sleeps in a hammock in the back of my head. But, you see, when I turn up at these places he is never to be found... he lays in wait until I get home and then he drops the anvil.
Case in point: From about 8:30 until 11:00 I talked with two separate people about everything except my bloody back pain - which really annoyed me afterwards but at the time I was kind of going with the flow. I had filled out a questionnaire the night before and for the first ninety minutes I talked with a very concerned looking woman about why I don't have a social life. But, the answers that weren't there for the questionnaire or for when we were talking were suddenly there when the gremlin decided to wake up. I haven't got any fracking money to socialise! (And anyway, I don't like people...). So now I can only assume that they think the image that perfectly fits me is that bloke that "...kept himself to himself, bit of a loner, never caused any trouble... no idea why he shot the *insert prominent member of political bollocks here*".
The second interview was with an actual Doctor of Medicine, an anaesthetist no less. In fact he introduced himself as a 'Pain Doctor', which I thought was pretty cool. He then talked at me for an hour about other peoples problems (which I gauged as being a test to see if I had empathy or not - and now realise that if I had to think that hard about it, I probably lack empathy... which I must now look up on Wikipedia), and by the end of the hour I was numb to the core. By the time I got home I was gagging for a cuppa, which I promptly made, sat down and within twenty minutes felt so tired that I needed a nap... I never, and I mean NEVER take naps... but I decided that a nap was in order and laid down on my bed and promptly fell asleep for nine hours.
There's a lot to be said about mental fatigue.
Fuck you gremlin...
M R I Don’t Want To…
So today was the second time in the last 8 (?) years that I've visited the Big Bad MRI Machine.
My alarm woke me up at 8 a.m. this morning after a night filled with weird and strange dreams, no doubt caused by my current sleeping arrangements. A couple of weeks ago, whilst putting on my socks, sitting on the side of my bed - it collapsed... not funny at the time - I can tell you - but looking back now it does seem rather amusing. My original thought was that I'd been shot by a sniper but on closer inspection I discovered that I had not been hit by a wayward trajectory at all, my IKEA bed had decided to disintegrate along on side of the frame.
Anyway, long story short, I moved into my office where I have a sofa bed. For some reason, whenever I sleep in a different place I have weeks of restless sleep - not that my sleep pattern is all that restful to begin with...
So, getting back to the MRI... I visited with my Doctor a few weeks back to beg for help with my back and neck pain. The pain killers just don't touch it any more and the Social is getting really lary after the guidelines changed (again) for those of us that are deemed unfit for work. After explaining my situation to him, he understood (he's good like that) and agreed that further investigation would be needed to figure out where we go from here. Of course, this doesn't sit well with my Handler at the Social who is all about figures and getting as many people off of income support as possible. Unfortunately for me, I am a statistic. This means that no one really cares if I have back pain that means I can't walk for any distance longer than about 200 metres without having to sit down because of the agony, then not being able to sit down longer than 10 minutes because of the agony ... No - what it means is that I need to be defined as a percentage (as I posted back on the 16th of October), and that means that I have nothing but more woes and hassle ahead. All I can hope is that later today when I visit with my aforementioned Handler, I receive a break, some good news, a little bit of luck for a change .... I can only cross my fingers - but not for too long because of the agony...
I'll get back to my MRI at some point, honest...
Highly Strung
So without much choice (my Handler at the insurance office wrote to me and in no uncertain terms states that unless I provided a certificate of some sort then the last 6 years never happened and I was to be put into job training), I attended an appointment with my rather cool GP (who bares a remarkable resemblance to Charlie Chaplin). I showed him the letter from my Handler and he smirked, chuckled and shook his head in disgust and in his broken English exclaimed, "Woman is a nightmare..." I had to agree.
I explained that I was originally there to see him about the migraines and insomnia and the never ending pain I'm suffering with my back and neck (my tolerance to the painkillers has reached scary levels) and he suggested that there might be an underlying cause.
So he took my blood pressure and his exact words were: "Woah! That's high!"
Of course, I was filled with joy and relief at this and relaxed back in the chair...
So instead of getting anything for my ongoing struggles with debilitating back pain, migraine attacks and insomnia, I have been put on medication to bring down my dangerously high blood pressure, which he actually believes is the cause of my headaches and migraines, ongoing stress levels causing sleepless nights...
You know, if I was listening to someone else talk about this I would tell them how amazingly lucky their life had been since hitting puberty 25 or so years ago... Life rocks...
If it ain’t broke…
I stayed up to watch the baseball last night in a vain hope that A-Rod would finally score his 600th Home-run ... he didn't and I subsequently overslept until an unlawful hour. Upon waking I discovered that not only was my back killing me, my body had gone into full rejection mode of being alive.
Then a succession of things to bring my frame of mind into being extremely pissed off began...
The flights I tried to book last night to get home in September had jumped from £36 to £107 ...
Ryan Air have ceased to operate from Västerås as of the end of October...
American Express and HSBC have cocked up my Direct Debits... Again...
I upgraded LoLyfe.com's theme only to realise it cocked up all the content...
The only good thing to happen today was that I watched a tremendously funny Korean flick called Jeon Woo Chi: The Taoist Wizard, and that made up for a lot of shit...
But for chrissakes... all this things could have been avoided if everyone had followed the Golden Rule:
If It Ain't Broke - Don't Fix It...
Just got an Email from Yankees.com to say that A-Rod hit the 600th homer... sheesh...
New Head
Is what I'm in the market for...
I had a trip out to see my new Doctor this morning. I've had a bit of a problem with the old tinnitus for the last few months and it's been driving me slowly insane. I thought that there might have been a massive medical advancement in the treatment of this misunderstood condition, but to my dismay I found that before that it could even be investigated I had to have the ear, nose and throat infections removed from my noggin before he would even entertain the thought of poking about in my ears.
With all the things he found wrong, I thought it best to make further appointments to chat about the ongoing issues with my back and the fact that the Health Insurance people are breathing down my neck, and not in a nice way...
2010 … another good year …
My relief at getting back home after a dismal Christmas was extremely short lived. Firstly, I arrived back to a car under about 5 feet of snow - which was made worse by the snow plough driver who decided the back of my car was the best place to pile the snow he'd been moving. I don't own a snow shovel, so I had to make do with my hands and various implements that became handy - like milk cartons.
My first attempt at getting the car out was a bit pathetic really. I managed to clear the sides, get in the car and get it started and sat there for a few minutes trying to regain the feeling in my fingers. After a while I began to get a bit woozy and discovered that I was sitting in a car quickly filling with exhaust fumes. Upon investigation I found that as I had cleared the sides of the car and not the back, I had created a little hollow in which the car was sitting, no air was being let out from under the car, including the exhaust emissions which had little else choice but to rise up into the car itself.
After sorting that out I was pretty knackered and my back had pretty much given up on me, so I decided to take a short break ...
Back … Again
I naturally assumed that as I'd done more than my fair share of exercise over the past month or so, traipsing around the Philippines and Hong Kong, that my body would be up for a decent workout. So on Monday, before my restart at the physio, I did a good hour or so in the gym. However, when I woke up yesterday I was not so pleasantly met with a gnats more than excruciating back pain.
This isn't anything new really, but what I wasn't ready for was the the utter agony when I tried to get to sleep last night. I finally drifted off at about 7am this morning through exhaustion and had to get up again at 9 for another visit to the physio. Suffice to say, I didn't bother with the workout today ...
I've been doing a little bit of work over at LoLyfe.com (AardvarkAsia | The Geekdom Incursive) trying to get things streamlined and together ready for attempts at a re-launch effort to get some revenue in. It's a long old task but kind of fun, but what I've noticed is that my hands are not up to task as much as they used to be. So I slipped out to MediaMarkt to see if I could find an ergonomic mouse... Microsoft do one, but it's 60 frickin' quid!! Think I'll suffer for a month or so....
I'm planning a night in with some Lesbians
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